obedience vs. sacrifice

"The counterfeit of obedience is a state of mind in which you work up occasions to sacrifice yourself; ardour is mistaken for discernment. It is easier to sacrifice yourself than to fulfil your spiritual destiny, which is stated in Romans 12:1-2."
-Oswald Chambers


Romans 12:1-2
Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

People often approach missionaries with the assumption that they are living in obedience to Christ.  After all, we have made "great sacrifices" to share God's Word and love with the world, and surely these sacrifices gesture to the fact that we are submitted to God's rule in our lives.  However, I know that this is not true in my own heart.  There is so much left inside of me to relinquish.  Going to visit a woman who has taken in 8 children who are HIV positive, offering her encouragement, support, and helping her to get the medicine one of her children needs is easy.  It's a simple task- a no brainer.  Helping a widow by giving her clothes and helping her children to go to school is easy.  But loving someone when I feel like I have been treated unjustly is really hard.  Keeping my thoughts from being critical of those I love or being prideful, those things keep me awake at night.  

I love this quote from Oswald Chambers because it exposes a myth that we commonly believe.  The truth is that "To obey is better than sacrifice."  The beauty of sacrifice is found in its obedience, it's what makes sacrifice pure.  When we try to use sacrifice to compensate for our lack of obedience we rob the sacrifice of its beauty.  

I am working on "offering my body as a living sacrifice" "by the renewing of my mind" on a day by day, moment by moment basis.  One thing I know is true is that this is much more challenging than moving to Togo, West Africa.  I thank and praise God that he is my strength and my help, that he has made me "more than a conqueror."