The Joy Before and After

Today I am reflecting more on the passage in Psalm 84.  I was rereading verses 5-7,

What joy for those whose strength comes from the Lord,who have set their minds on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem.  When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs.  The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings.  They will continue to grow stronger, and each of them will appear before God in Jerusalem.

and I noticed that after the word "appears" in verse 7 there is a cross reference to Deuteronomy 16:16.  

...On each of these occasions, all men must appear before the Lord your God at the place he chooses, but they must not appear before the Lord without a gift for him. ¹⁷ All must give as they are able, according to the blessings given to them by the Lord your God.

The progression here is setting your mind on following God, which is a path that inevitably leads to times of sorrow (as does any path in life,) which passes on to refreshing springs and autumn rains that bring blessings.  Walking this path, not once, but as a pilgrimage (meaning a long term journey) strengthens us and therefore fits us to appear before the Lord.  We are required to give a gift if we are to appear before the Lord, but the gift is not one that originated with us, it is the blessing he gave us during the pilgrimage.  Therefore, when we wimp out of the pilgrimage or try to take a route other than the one that goes through the "Valley of Weeping" we miss out on the blessings that come with traveling that path, and therefore miss out on returning those blessings to God.  

It is amazing that this is that exact pattern of Christ's life and death, and yet the blessing that he offered in the end was offered to us.  These reflections give me good courage, and even joy as described in Psalm 84:5.  I think that joy is both the starting point and ending point, though perhaps the process is more cyclical and therefore does not have an ending point.  Regardless, I praise God for his mercy, and the goodness he brings from tough times.  What a sweet and sustaining glimpse of grace!

With a Little Help From My Friends

Blog writing can be a fairly daunting task at times.  My goal in writing is to be honest about what our lives are truly like, and to express where I am personally in the various aspects of my life.  It's a great way to communicate with friends and family back home, with whom I haven't nearly as consistent contact as I would like.  It's also a great way to keep more personal communication with churches and people who have been so faithful to lift us and our work up in prayer.  It can be challenging to be candid, but I highly value the insights and bonds that are created when we are genuine with each other.  


In my last post I was very honest about my struggles.  I was a bit uncomfortable with putting that out there, and I didn't want to seem whiny or like someone who isn't appreciative of the blessings they've been given.  However, I am so grateful for the sweet hearts of my friends who received my words in the way the were intended, and who offered sweet encouragement in return.  My friend Tracy reminded me of the words of the 84th Psalm.  


⁵ What joy for those whose strength comes from the Lord,
      who have set their minds on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem.
 ⁶ When they walk through the Valley of Weeping,^[a]
      it will become a place of refreshing springs.
      The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings.
 ⁷ They will continue to grow stronger,
      and each of them will appear before God in Jerusalem.^[b]


What a great reminder that this is all a journey, and though we have some tough times, we persevere and are soon refreshed with sweet springs.  Of course, the imagery of autumn rains speaks volumes to me as I eagerly await experiencing our first fall in three years this year!  When I am reminded that hard times are not for naught, that we will be strengthened by them, I reflect on my life and see that God has always been faithful to that promise, and the rewards he has given have always far surpassed the struggle in the meantime.  Beyond that, we know that the end of the journey contains a joy that for 
surpasses anything we have known, when we "will appear before God in Jerusalem."  


And so today, I recognize that my sweet friends who share in my life, pray for,  and encourage me are the "glimpses of grace" that I don't want to take for granted.  Thank you, God!

Simplicity Vs. Tenacity

Life in Africa, like everywhere else, is such a mixed bag.  As most of you know, this year has been pretty challenging for me as I have integrated teaching full time into my schedule of being a homemaker and ministering to people who are infected and affected by HIV.  There have been blessings throughout this time of becoming more reliant on God. I have certainly witnessed the truth that his strength is made known in our weakness since most of my work has been an offering of meager and thinly spread efforts.

I am questioning myself on why I have to push myself so hard?  How do I know when it is appropriate to push and stretch my boundaries, and when do I need to back off and relax?  I feel like I have little sense for that lately.

It is really tempting to me to reduce some of my ministry responsibilities and become more of a stay at home mom with just a bit of ministry that I can do when I have time.  I suspect that these feelings come from fatigue and a desire for the path of least resistance.  Christian culture is highly accepting of the full time, stay at home mom, and as a woman who has a focus outside of the home I often feel like I have to somehow justify that I still do all the domestic stuff and that I do, indeed, love my children.  One might think that I am just imagining this pressure, but I have actually been questioned point blank about it.  Also, I am tired of doing things just so that they get done.  I am always getting ready at the last minute, and even though things work out, I often don't satisfy my own standards.  So this is most likely the perfectionist in me trying to make a comeback after I got rid of her years ago, and it probably does no harm that I can't invest myself fully in always "getting it right."  There have been a lot of blessings in doing the best I can and leaving it at that, but there is a part of me that really wants to indulge the over-achiever.

In reflecting on my ministry here with the orphans and with HIV/AIDS, I have seen amazing things happen.  I am the first to admit that I have no qualifications for some of the projects I have done and am doing, and God has really shown off by working through me!  Also, God has given me such a love for the people with whom we work, and I am always energized by the time I get to spend going out and being with them in their homes, villages, and at the clinic.

I am happy to report that we have a few people who are interested in coming to teach, which I know will provide me with more time to do my ministry and take care of my home.  Maybe I just need to be patient, and ride out the fatigue and lack of motivation that is setting in.  If anyone has any shared experience or relevant insights I would be grateful to hear from you.  I know it will all work out, but I appreciate being able to be honest with where I am, and having friends who will share in this part of life with me.